Gathering of the Figments

Hawkins · Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 5:15 pm Post subject: stuff I read in Readers Digest...

So there's two buddies biking in the woods. Suddenly, a poisonous snake comes up to one of them, and bites him in the butt. So the other guy rides into town to try and find a doctor. When he gets to the hospital, the doctor says "I'm busy right now, but you can take care of him yourself. What you do is cut a little X where the bite wound is, and suck the blood out through the mouth and spit it on the ground. Do that until the venom is out of his bloodstream." So the guy goes back to his buddy and says "the doctor says your gonna die."

One night at the asylum, after lights out, somebody cries out "I am Napoleon!" another person says "who told you?" and the first man says "God did!" another patient says "I DID NOT!"

This one's good...

A priest, a rabbi, and a preacher all walk into a bar, and the bartender looks up and says, "what is this? Some kind of joke?"

So a little boy wants a new little sister. He decides to write a letter to God asking for one. He starts the first letter "Dear God, I have been a very good boy lately..." and he says to himself, "God will not be moved by this." So he crumples up the paper and starts again. He writes "Dear God, if you give me a little sister..." and he says to himself, "this isn't very good either." So he gets up, goes to the mantle, and picks up a statue of the Madonna. He wraps it up in a big fluffy towel and puts a rubber band around it and hides it in his dresser. He goes to write his third letter--"Dear God, if you every want to see your mother again..."
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Tyler's on vacation...to CANADA...*sad*

The Bee · Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 7:15 pm Post subject:

roflmfao!!!!!

><

The first and last ones were hilarious!
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~Michelle The Bee

If life is a highway I was drunk at the wheel. (Relient K)

Shaye · Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 9:49 pm Post subject:

I've heard them all except the last one.

BUT THEY'RE SO FUNNY!
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~Shaye

Look. I don't understand half the things I say either.

The Bee · Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 12:25 pm Post subject:

RAWR

My brother told me a really funny joke the other day... BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER! *cries*
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~Michelle The Bee

If life is a highway I was drunk at the wheel. (Relient K)

Hawkins · Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 12:54 pm Post subject:

You know what I don't get? Why on TV, you only ever hear the end of a joke...like it cuts to a group of people, and one guy is saying something like "...and then he says, 'take out? I thought you said make out!'" and everyone laughs their heads off. I actually got that from Hey Arnold! XD
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Tyler's on vacation...to CANADA...*sad*

Shaye · Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 4:04 pm Post subject:

Hey Arnold!?

Isn't that a kids' show?

WTF?

KIDS DON'T KNOW WHAT MAKE OUT MEANS!
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~Shaye

Look. I don't understand half the things I say either.

pommie42 · Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 7:35 pm Post subject:

What do you call a man with no shins?

Toe-knee.

(From Readers Digest, where all the jokes in this thread are meant to come from... not Hey Arnold)
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The Bee · Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 4:05 pm Post subject:

My neighbor's name is Toe-knee.... Shocked

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~Michelle The Bee

If life is a highway I was drunk at the wheel. (Relient K)