DarkWaltz
Rince Draíocht
Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 823
Location: Somewhere between this world and another...
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 Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 3:42 pm Post subject: |
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I really like it so far! I've only had time to read the prologue and chapter one, but I'll read the others as soon as I have time. I found a few mistakes.
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| The line had grown longer then when Katarina had last been there and she motioned people over to take their orders. |
longer than when Katarina had last been there, and...
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“Haven’t you ever wanted something like that though, to be a damsel in distress or be the one to help save the world?”
Those are nothing but flights of fancy, Rina.”
Katarina sighed "and closed up the register and went" over to begin turning off the lights.
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Woah, there! Quotes got a little confused! You need a quote symbol before Those and the part of the sentence after that's in quotes doesn't need to be.
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| “If you would write down the events of the robbery on this piece of paper please,” the policeman said handing Katarina a paper and pencil, she sat down next to Abigail and the policeman put large book standing up between them on the desk. |
how about "...the policeman said, handing Katarina a piece of paper and a pencil. She sat down next to Abigail and the policeman stood a large book up on the desk between them."
~J
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~DancingEponaTinuviel |
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